My 670th Post!

Labels: advice, blah, friends, illness, migraine, muffin

Keepin On

Oh with the heart palpitations and the drinking!


That is the constant symptoms. I try to sleep and wake up maybe an hour or so later with my heart racing. Not just flutters but racing. It's awful!


I'm so thirsty all the time. I drink so much water, juice, caff. free diet coke, water, water.


I have a lot of headaches, too. Not migraines. Today the headaches have been worse. My mood hasn't been great. I've been down, tired, achey, irritated. I think, "What is going to happen when I go down again? This is just the beginning! Maybe I cannot do this."


I have to try. I have to continue. I will do it. I will be fine. I have people who love and support me. Plus, I am strong.


I just have to keep telling myself that. A lot.

Labels: blah, illness, Klonopin, me

Blast From the Past

This was going to be a "Question of the Day" but, I wanted to expand on it. I went to high school at a school where I knew no one. This school is a K-12 school. It even has daycare so, one could potentially go there from infancy to 18 years old. I did not. I went to a Catholic School from grades K-8 then, when all my friends went to other Catholic schools or the local public schools, I chose my school.


This is the school where I met Sarah. Hi Sarah! ::Waving:: Here's the thing, I left school at the very beginning of my senior year on my doctor's orders. I got sick with mono my sophomore year. More specifically, I was diagnosed on my sixteenth birthday (January 17, 1997). I was very sick with it for a long time. It compromised my immune system and messed it up for forever. I ended up in the hospital for a week in April.


I began getting horribly debilitating migraines with aura in November of my Junior year. I had all of the types of auras- visual, sensory, even going out of my mind. I was rarely in school and the stress of it all was a lot for me and my parents. Some of my teachers and some of my peers were not helpful or understanding and that was also a problem. I ended up studying from home through LSU correspondence courses and getting a GED.


I got my diploma from my local public school and it was in the year that I would've graduated anyway- 1999. When I left school I had a 3.5 average. I took my ACTs (we don't do SATs in LA) in 7th grade and in 11th. In 11th I scored an overall 29 (a 31 in English which is one of my biggest accomplishments!!!) and even still, I had a huge complex about the GED. Eventually, I got over it.


I tell people I graduated in '99 because I did. I tell people I graduated from the school I went to when asked because it's the school I went to and it's easier than telling my entire life story. I never attended the school on my diploma so, that would be silly.


Lindsey and I were talking about high-school reunions the other night. I graduated a year ago next year. Lindsey graduated the year after me but, a friend of ours has her 10 year this year. Here's the thing- I (probably) won't even have a reunion. I didn't graduate from my school. It's 100% fine with me because I would not go. The only people I care to see or know are Sarah (and I know her and what she's up to) and my other friend from there, Leslie. I miss her. I don't know where she is but, she took my leaving hard. I was not sensitive about it with her and she was hurt. We have communicated in 10 years but, not in a while.


Lindsey feels the same way. No interest in seeing those people again. Nothing in common with them and no desire to spend a fake evening with them. But, the husbands- different story! Lindsey's husband is a little older than she is and his school had an entire weekend of events planned. They went to everything! He dragged her around to everything and showed her everything.


Luke graduated from a very, very small school that also went from K-12. He was Mr. Popular, played every sport, was on the State Champion football team 2 years, partyed ever weekend (and some weeknights)... You know. He will want to go. He is still really good friends with "the boys." YAY ::insert sarcasm::


My question-

Have you been to a high school reunion? Will you go? Why?

Labels: feedback, high school, illness, Luke, QOTD43, Sarah

2:21 AM

I wrote in my prayer request post that I'm weaning off of Klonopin. It's AWFUL. If you are a "regular" reader you may remember that I did this before. I went from 2 mgs to the 1 mg I'm at now. Now, I'm getting off. I'm doing .75 mg- 1/2 the pill and 1/2 of the other half.


Klonopin is not to be messed with, it's awful. I've been on it for a very, very, very long time. 8+ years. It's a terrible drug to wean off of because of the withdrawals. I have read so much, heard so much. You must go very slow because your body could go into shock, you could have seizures, even die.


The withdrawal symptoms I am experiencing are: restlessness, jitters, feeling like a crackhead who needs a fix (not that i would know how that feels), sweaty, shaky, insomnia, stomach pain, headache, body aches


I went to sleep tonight at 10:00 pm and woke up at 1:30 am. I will not fight it. I will watch TV, movies, read, blog, sleep when I sleep, exercise (hopefully), cook, do some chores, whatever... Even if I have to cry it out. Even if I am miserable through it, I will get through it.


Once I'm off for good, I will be FREE of it. I will feel better. I'm confidante that I will be able to do all I want to do.

• get pregnant
• have babies and be a good mommy
• travel
• go to school
• write FOR REAL

I know that it's attainable for me. I've always wanted to be a mother. When I was a little girl, I had baby dolls and named them and loved them. I love children and they love me. Family is everything to me.

Labels: blah, illness, Klonopin, medication

It's the Medication Talking (Rambling)

This is going to be a rambling, bumbling, no point or cohesive meaning post. Sorry. I'm thinking bullet points...

• I ventured out to the store because I didn't feel like the walking dead earlier. BAD MOVE. I feel so much worse now because of it. Plus side is we have food.
• I'm wondering about ya'll and the presidential candidates. I was listening to talk radio on the way home and am so dying for a discussion. Do you have an opinion? Who do you like? A few people? I like a few people and there are some I need to see what they are all about. I know nothing about McCain. I don't think he's "for me" but, I need to check it out. I know more about Huckabee, Thompson and "The Others": Hilary and Osama Obama.
• Speaking of The Others, I have latched on to another TV show that I'm newly obsessed with that i should've been a long time ago: Lost. I didn't start watching when it premiered and then when I decided I was missing something, I knew it wasn't the type of show I could jump into. I was going to do the Netflix thing as i did with Entourage but, then I saw that ABC.com has it online. I'm still on Season 1. Of course, I'm already hooked.
• My Mamaw's birthday is tomorrow, the 10th. My birthday is next Thursday, the 17th.
• Thank you to Andie, for your photo advice. I'm going to try that out and let you know. Kelli, chicken shawarma .
• Everyone go check out the shout out I got here. I love doing things like this. It's kind of the "Ask the Answer Queen" thing. I've given advice about eye makeup, face/base make up, replacement red shoes, bags, dresses, etc... I wish there were some way for me to create a career out of it because I love it! Please leave a comment somewhere or email me at shoeaddict17@gmail.com with your questions. I will find what you need. I will answer your questions about what to wear with what, how to wear whatever, whether you should wear this with that or not, etc... You know. Ask away! Oh, if I've helped you feel free to sing my praises in the comments. :)
• I got new Netflix in today. Plus, tv is good tonight. Plus, I have to finish all the Lost episodes before the new episodes begin on the 31st.
• I have four new pairs of shoes! Sales are great. Actually, counting the shoes I got for Christmas, I have 6, no 7! WOW!!!
• I have only worn 2 pairs of the new shoes. I've been sick.
• Coughing takes a lot out of a girl.
• I'm so sad about the Golden Globes. In case you have not heard, because of the writer's strike, they are off. Just a press conference to announce the winners. That is not as fun at all. I LOVE the golden globes. *sigh*
• I'm really stuck on the name ASHER for a boy. I've liked it a lot for awhile but, now I'm really into it. Luke likes it but knows someone from Georgia with the name. It's not a bad association just kinda "How can i have a son with that name?" I love it. I think I've mentioned it to my mom before and she hated it. I don't think Lindsey likes it (she didn't say that). Kate likes it. I'm thinking ASHER (My Maiden Name) (Our Last Name). I know that doesn't help those of you who don't know what those names are but those of you who do, what do you think?

There's more but I'm sure you're all sick of the nonsense. Comments now, please. So much to comment on, right?

Labels: Answer Queen, blog friends, illness, Lost, Netflix, presidential candidates, shoes, TV

Still

I am still sick.

I still have not gotten soup.

I still think I may die.

I still have not uploaded my photos.

**New Desperate Housewives tonight. Cashmere Mafia premieres after.

Labels: blah, illness, TV

All Sugared Out

Labels: Britney Spears, Celebs, giveaway, illness

Checkin' In

Labels: blah, holiday, illness, Luke

A Christmas Miracle

Labels: babies, illness, prayer

What's Cookin'? ETA- 8:34pm

Labels: illness, recipes

A Message

Labels: blah, illness

Cleaning and Answering

I'm sloooooooowly cleaning up around here. It's not a fast thing at all. I have has migraines EVERYDAY since Monday and a sinus infection, too, so it's so not easy to get a thing done. I know, I know, you're saying, "But, you're ALWAYS sick! Get your fat ass up and MOVE." I am. I am doing a little bit at a time.

I just wanted you all to know that I'm answering your comments (sometimes) in the comments. I'm gathering some celeb info- so far, Brit's lost her kiddie privileges and it's unclear why exactly. *SIGH*

Labels: blah, Britney Spears, illness

Test

I woke up this morning, well yesterday morning since it's 12:38am on Saturday technically (GAME DAY!!) at 4:30. I watched my DVR'ed Dirty Sexy Money (I blogged about it on the new blog) and My Name is Earl. My mom came to get me at 6:30 and we headed towards our destination. I had a headache.

We got there on time for my 8:00 MRI and I went right on back. I had to take off my bra but, I got to stay in my clothes- no gown! I was told to lay down on the hard plastic and very narrow table. The nice lady then put a blue "hair net" thing over my messy ponytail and proceeded to pull these contraptions over my face and neck. Oh, she gave me headphones with music, too. I was having my neck and brain done, each in 30 minute spans.

I don't know if any of y'all have ever had an MRI done but, this was not my first rodeo, or my second. I knew what I was in for- the noise, the claustrophobia, but I don't think I've ever had the catcher's mask-like thing over my face before and that was rough. It was more that one little part of my nose was touching a part of it and that creeped me out. I'm not especially claustrophobic but, ANYONE will get a touch of it in this situation. I was also in a lot of pain from the migraine PLUS the noise! Oh, the noise. I'm super sensitive to noises. I have bad ears. I had ear infection after ear infection as a child, blew my ear drum, have some hearing loss so, some noises can really drive me crazy.

I also have tremors. When I first had them they were mistaken for seizures. They resemble seizures because my body tenses and I shake and am disoriented. It's a result of pain. I had an episode of that during the end of the first 30 minute session. They brought my mom in and she told them I didn't have seizures (they also had a doctor in) and then let her stay in after that. I've been through LOTS of medical procedures, hospital stays and unpleasant often painful experiences all without my "mommy." I am not afraid to admit that I 100% like it better with my mommy!!!

When there was only 10 more minutes left of the brain portion of the scan, the MRI lady buzzed me out to inject an IV contrast into my vein. Here is another little fun bit of Shoeaddict trivia- I have crap-for-veins. They roll, the stick and they blow. Well, I couldn't see her doing the inserting (I'm weird and I like to see) and she was trying a vein in the crook of my left arm. If I would have thought about it, I would have remembered that those veins had it pretty rough a few weeks ago when I had tons of blood drawn. I know that when one area is used a lot, the veins will eventually blow. Well, it did blow and some of the contrast went into my tissue and it HURT. She stuck me in the right hand, no problem. I'm not afraid of needles at all. The area that blew- ugly little bruise and it still hurts. She said it would "Sting a little bit." Liar.

We finally left. I had a headache. We discussed all kinds of things in the car. Family members, my cousin Donna (she's sick again- please pray for her! Bless her heart!), what we will do next, blah, blah,blah...

OK, fast forward.... Oh, wait I gotta tell y'all! Mom told me that the MRI lady told her that they were calling Dr R's (my neurologist) office to let her know that the test was done and they were sending it over and I was gonna call. We didn't want to wait for the results through the weekend. We both knew that if something were to show up, she would call me but, still. So, I call her office and I get *sigh* PEARL! Oh, to deal with the people I have to deal with in the medical community. Some of these people bend over backwards to help you and are so nice you want to just invite 'em over for Sunday supper (I have a nurse like that). Then you have the Pearls. She has a little bit 'o power seein' as she answers the phone and stands between you and Dr R or her (lovely) nurse Debbie. Maybe she has never had any other power before. Maybe she is oppressed by her husband. Maybe she was picked on in school. I. DON'T. CARE. She is rude to me and is very nosy.

Back to fast forwarding.... Dr R does call me back after I weasel my way around Pearl (a few times) and tells me that the MRI hasn't been officially read but she looked at it and no tumors or aneurysms jump out at her. She did see something on my neck (can't quite remember what she said they were) but, they were not really a big deal. She wants to see me again to discuss another matter which I may or may not discuss. I feel like all I do now is talk about me being sick and I never intended for that to happen.

Thank you all SO MUCH for all your prayers, good thoughts and kind sweet words and emails. I cannot begin to express how much it has meant to have all of you praying for me and asking after me. Some of my own best friends didn't even ask. Blogging has brought such awesome people into my life!

Please let me know your prayer requests! XXXOOO

P.S. GEAUX TIGERS!!!! I'm soooooooooooooooooooo excited!!

Labels: illness, migraine, MRI

Peace and Strength

It's tomorrow at 8am. I don't even know what I want to come out of this. God's will. Peace and strength- which are my prayers for all on my list. I pray that God gives peace and strength. For me, I want to be better. I want to LIVE and be WELL. My mother thinks I'm dramatic and that nothing is wrong and maybe she's right. The thing is- she does not live with me.

Yes, I'm a dramatic person. This is my life and my health, though. I know that my memory and my, my MIND is just not the same as it was before. Maybe that is medication but, I have to know and it has to be corrected. I know that my balance is off- not all the time, of course, but it is more often than not and the neurologist AND the endocrinologist thought enough of it to send me for this test.

I DO NOT think I have cancer or any type of life-threatening disease. I do think there is SOMETHING. I don't want something but, I want answers. I do not want to be dismissed and I feel like I have been, by many. It's so important for things to change DRASTICALLY- for the sake of my well being, my marriage, my sanity.

I want to feel like a real person who matters. I want to be able to go to school, have a baby, hell- I want to be able to clean my house!! I want to be able to bathe regularly, go to the grocery store, exercise... I know that SO many people have it SO much worse than me. I'm sorry. You all can just turn around and leave because I know you don't want to come to my pity party!! It's OK!

I'm fine. Thanks for everything. I need you to list your prayer requests. XOXO

Labels: blah, illness, prayer request

What's On? THURSDAY EDITION

Tonight is going to be crazy! TV is going to be insane. I'm so excited. My DVR is going to explode... And if Luke snores like he did last night, I may be in prison tomorrow so, I love y'all and thanks for everything!! Just saying.

On with the TV shows...

NBC
7:00 My Name is Earl- DVR'ing- Earl is in jail & there is a jailhouse bully.
8:00 The Office- Jim and Pam!
9:00- ER- I stopped watching last season

ABC
7:00 Ugly Betty- The season finale- Justin's dad died and I cannot for the life of me remember what else happened. PLEASE help me out. Who wants to tell me what's going on with everyone? I know that the Suarez dad is in Mexico, what about Betty's man, what is his name? See?! This blasted memory loss! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
8:00 Grey's Anatomy- I'm very mad that Derek and Meredith are off-again but, I'm very excited to see if all the complaining has gotten the writers to kick it into high gear! This show really was a FANTASTIC show in it's earlier seasons and I know it can be excellent again.
9:00 Big Shots- I'm gonna try it! Dylan McDermott & Michael Vartan- yeah!

Fox
7:00 Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?- This is a good show and I love me some Jeff Foxworthy but, it's no competition for all the other shows.
8:00 Don't Forget the Lyrics- No way! This show is not as good as Singing Bee. Wayne Brady is CREEEEEEPY.

CBS
7:00 Survivor: China- I just have no room for it!
8:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation- I usually watch these in reruns on A&E (I love that channel). I LOVE the song they've been playing on the commercials for the new episodes- know what I'm talking about?
9:00 Without a Trace- I LOVE this show! I cannot wait for the new season.

<u>CW
7:00 Smallville- I don't do stuff like this but, maybe YOU do.
8:00 Reaper- This show is getting MAJOR buzz! Once again, not for me but, if you go for it- I wanna know.

BRAVO
7:00-9:00- Top Chef
9:00 Tim Gunn's Guide to Style- I like this show but, it replays a lot.

Mad Men also comes on at 9:00 on AMC. I loved this show when I saw the marathon on Labor Day weekend but, I always forget it's on and with my Swiss cheese for brains- I cannot follow anything.

**IN CASE ANYONE IS INTERESTED, MY MRI HAS BEEN SCHEDULED FOR FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5TH AT 8:00 AM. THEY WILL BE LOOKING AT MY BRAIN AND SPINE.**

Labels: Grey's, illness, new shows, TV

What's On? WEDNESDAY EDITION- After I watched

**SPOILERS**

Labels: ANTM, illness, Kate Walsh, new shows, Private Practice

Negative

Remember the story about me going to see Dr B, the endocrinologist? He tested me for Cushing's Syndrome and I'm not really sure what else- mom, feel free to remind me. His nurse/assistant called today to tell me that everything came back normal. I'm glad that, for now, the endocrine side of everything seems under control. He took me off one medication and increased the dosage of two others.

I made an appointment for the MRI. I immediately found out that I need to change it, though. Dr R, the neurologist, has a great nurse and she will be so easy to work with. She told me that Dr R has ordered an MRI of my brain and spine. The appointment is for October 1st but, my parents and grandparents and brother are all going out of town. My papa is getting an award, a big fancy-schmancy, we-are-so-excited-and-proud-award so they are all going. They (everyone that is going) are all "in the business" and that's why they can go to the banquet. Anyway, I need an appointment for later in the week.

My headaches have been really bad lately. The migraine med that I take, Relpax, does work, eventually. I have a backup.... Dilauded but, I use it in extreme emergencies. There are several for this: 1)I know that I have a high chance of becoming addicted to this type of drug and I just don't want that. My paternal grandmother died addicted to pain meds and I don't want that. Addiction runs in my family and I just don't need anymore trouble. 2) When I take the Dilauded, I have to take benadryl and phenergan, too because it makes me VERY, VERY itchy and nauseated. The itching is the worse. If I take the Dilauded, it's a bad headache.

I've had such a hard time with memory, finding words, and following some things lately. The cerebellum controls the muscles and movements so, even if there is something on there, I have no idea if it even explains these problems/symptoms. They are probably medicine related but, being on so many medications it's very hard to tell what is doing what. It's very hard, though, to be dizzy and tired and confused. I find myself unable to follow simple plots in books or television shows- at times. I can't always hold a conversation because I can't follow or find the right words. This is NOT an all the time thing, obviously.

Just remember to keep me in your prayers and SEND ME YOUR PRAYER REQUESTS. I need those names and stories of people who need prayer!!

Love to you all! Thank you for your support
xoxox

Labels: illness, medication

So Sorry

I have been having a migraine since late last night/early morning and it's not responding to medication. I'm very sorry that I am not posting my TUESDAY EDITION of WHAT I'M WATCHING. It's taken me until now (5:30 pm) just to get this posted. I'm DVR'ing Dancing, House, and I have no idea what else. I set it all earlier this weekend. Please feel free to let us all know what YOU are watching! I'll be back ASAP...

XOXO

Labels: illness, migraine, TV

Crying Out

While praying throughout the day for both Hannah's family and Annie (and a little for myself, too, blasted headache), I found myself overwhelmed with emotion. I cried and cried. I am so so grateful to have so many praying friends. I am so lucky to live in a country where I can pray freely and publicly. I can publicly say, "I am a child of GOD! Jesus died for my sins. I worship & adore Him!"

I am so sad, too. This week has been difficult. I have been sick, poor, useless, & we have not had a sweet happy house. Luke has to go to Augusta, GA on Monday. I MUST try not to be so snippy (can he try not to act like a 10-year old big brother). I feel soooooo yucky.
I'm so sad for Rach. I'm so impressed with her fantastic attitude. She has been a good friend, too. She is such an amazing person!!

This little, Annie, too. How terrible! Praying for her had me weak and so so so upset. I just hope that all of our prayers work.

THANK YOU to everyone who participated in "FANCY HANNAH DAY"!! Take pics and send them to me or send me the link to your blog. Go check out JILL.

Labels: illness, prayer

What's Cookin'?

I'm cookin' red beans today. It's a specialty of mine. I use two types of sausages and Luke L.O.V.E.S it. He bought a two pound bag of beans. If you've ever cooked beans you know that just one pound is a lot of beans! It's just Luke and me eating these beans. I'll probably offer to give some to other people. Lindsey? Mom?

I think poor Luke is just really, really sick of chicken! We have had chicken every night this week. Chicken breast and vegetables. But, he will not eat the vegetables. Drives me crazy!! He tried to tell me that cheese is a vegetable or "kinda one". I swear he is like a child.

Today has been OK. I woke up very early to go potty and had a headache. This was not surprising because yesterday, while in the neurologist's office, I began to get an aura. I get the visual and sensory types. I sometimes get the very rare confusion and that is terrible and a whole other post!! Anyway, I was getting the visual type in the doctor's office yesterday. I went to see her at the request of my endocrinologist. Yes, I have a lot of "-ologists" that I see, way too many for my age. I have an endocrinologist, gastroenterologist, neurologist, internist (ologist... hee hee), gynecologist, urologist, cardiologist, WHOOO!!



Anyway, that is irrelevant. I don't even know why I told y'all that. I went to see the neurologist because some of the symptoms i told my endocrinologist about, he felt were neurology related and not endocrine related. So, she did her own thing and we talked and blah, blah, blah... Bottom line, I am going to have an MRI to rule out "something" on my cerebellum. Maybe a legion, mass, or what have you. I'm not worried that it's serious. I'm not worried that it's cancer or anything like that. She never said that word. In fact, she said BENIGN tumor. Of course, there may be nothing there at all, too. I will know soon enough.

I just really want to be able to exercise and lose weight. I want to feel good. I want to be able to do my chores around the house. I want to be able to go to family functions. I want to be able to go out more. I want to travel with my family. I want to be a mother. I want to be a good mother. I want to be a good wife. I love my husband and my family (that includes my friends... you know who you are) and want to be able to spend more time with them.

Please let me thank you all again for all of your concern, kindness, sweet words, encouragement, prayers, love, etc... I CANNOT tell you how much it helps me and how much this means to me. These gestures have helped me through A LOT and touched me deeply. Please forgive me for being so tardy on the "Fall Shoe Trends" post and the post about the returning shows I'm looking forward to seeing. I promise they are coming soon.

Labels: food, illness, updates