Friday, August 29, 2008

Shaping Up and Blowing Away

This is gonna be just a random post of my thoughts and feelings. I was reading over some entries and I don't think I have written enough posts just from my heart, for myself. I want to have a "journal" of sorts for this time in my life. This time when we are buying our house, Justin is getting married and I am beginning my WHOLE NEW SELF.

It may be boring for some of you but this is my life and I cannot just write entertaining things. Now that I have written all of this explaining my writing... (what a dweeb!)

-We are waiting (waiting, waiting) for the appraisal on the house. The mortgage lady that I am working with, Robbi, says that the house was appraised on Wednesday but we've gotten nothing back yet. I am working on my patience this year, along with everything else and this is trying it. I want it done. This is basically the last step before the final closing. Once the appraisal comes in, we can get a firm closing date and move from there. I'm nervous about the house not appraising for the purchase price.

-I have picked out living room furniture (sofa, entertainment center, coffee table, side table, two chairs) and bedroom furniture (bed, armoire, nightstands). I still need to choose a dining table and bar stools. Then, I have to order them. I don't want to order the furniture until the appraisal comes in and blah, blah, blah... I'm IN LOVE with the living room furniture that I chose. The two chairs will have to be special ordered and will take 6-8 weeks (they are being covered with the fabric that I chose) so I want to get.on.that.

-Gustav is scaring me. I don't want it to tear down my parents' camp. They owned a condo in Pass Christian, MS and it was wiped out during Katrina. It is a very creepy feeling for the weather to do that. Mother Nature can be a bitch. During Katrina, my mom, dad, grandparents and uncle were in France. Justin, Luke and I stayed at the 'rents while it all went down. I remember going to the store and buying squeeze cheese, Snack Pack pudding and beer. Priorities. There was a giant old tree in my mom's back yard that was completely uprooted. We watched the earth swell and it was, to this day, one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed. Scary and amazing.

I don't want to be without power for days on end and lose hundreds of dollars of groceries. I don't want to be that hot! It's HOT here. I don't know about where you are but it is HOT here. Our little house never lost power for Katrina, though. We had a bunch of limbs in the yard and that was it. I watched all the coverage of it on tv, had some "refugees" and cried and cried and cried. That reminds me that I need to call and check on my NOLA people. Last time, I couldn't reach them. I didn't know they were safe until a full day after the storm was over when they pulled into my driveway. They had to swim thier way out of the house that they had stayed in during the storm. There are so many awful stories like that.

-I'm going to start working out and seriously changing my eating habits. I started the work outs with Shannon today and I did GREAT! 30 minutes plus of cardio (treadmill and bicycle thing) and I made it. I feel so good about it. I plan to do it at least 3 days a week. I've already started to try and change my diet but fell off the wagon a couple of times. I'm very motivated to do better. I think that most people (not you) don't believe that I can do it and that is a great motivator. It is not the only one, of course, but it's one.

I want to be working out when I get pregnant. We will begin TTC again in January and I want to have lost some weight by then. I don't know how much. What is reasonable? 30 pounds? More? Less? I don't know. I'll think about that. I want to lose a total of A LOT but I believe in smaller goals to help me. I am going to do this. Watch.

-I'm going through lots of personal changes. This entire year has been filled with change for me. I got off of the meds that were bringing me down and I feel better than I have in a loooooong time. I am active and comfortable with who I am and happy. I am so happy. The only thing I am unhappy with is my weight and I am doing something about that. Oh, I'm unhappy about where I live and we are changing that. I am also unhappy that I don't have a child but we are changing that. I'm not really unhappy about that right now because I know it's happening.

I feel like I have changed a lot. I have grown personally. I will always be me at the core but I have grown up and gotten better. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about coming home and family dynamics. She was frustrated by her family dynamics and I get that, A LOT. I LOVE my family more than anything but I don't always act the way I want to with them. I believe that people have a tendency to revert backwards when they are with their families. I am not the same center-of-attention drama loving negative person that I was when I was young. Some people bring that out in me and I don't need that in my life. That doesn't mean that I'm not still dramatic or loud or down sometimes.

I'm just trying to be better. Live better, have healthy relationships, be healthy, be the best me that I can be.

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