Saturday, August 11, 2007

Ain't No Sunshine When He's Gone

Let me tell you something, this whole house is different when he leaves. I don't breathe right until he walks back into my arms. I'm not saying that I don't have a life without him. I am not saying that I need him to survive and make decisions and that without him I am nothing.

I am saying that I don't like to be in the space that he is not. I don't want to make decisions that don't include him the outcome. I refuse to think of a life without him permanently.

Luke leaves from New Orleans tomorrow morning at 5:45 to ultimately get to Canada (somewhere near Lake Huron). He will be there until Wednesday the 22nd. I know, I know, you think i should be used to him being gone. It's very hard to explain. I'm used to him being gone in that I'm OK being by myself, eating alone, hanging out alone, etc. But, I will never be used to him leaving. I hate that part. And missing him. It's an ache and like a part of me is gone.

We don't have kids and I have always been a very nurturing wife. I love to baby him. I like to fuss over him when he's sick and I worry about all kinds of little things that moms would worry about if their children are out-of-town. Right or wrong, it's what I do. I worry about if he gets sick, is he eating right 'cause I know he'll only eat crap if I don't tell him not to do that, is he drinking enough water, is he drinking too much beer, is he sleeping OK because a little secret is he has a little trouble sleeping without me and so it takes him a few days... He's my baby!

I guess you have to understand that because we have no kids and we've been together since we were both 18 years old, we have an extreme connection. We have private jokes. Meaningful looks that say monologues. Hugs and kisses that convey what a Hallmark never could. I don't know if we have a normal marriage. I don't know if we have what everybody has. I know what I have and I know that it means everything.

I know for sure that I need you to pray for my Blue as he goes on this journey. He is still not completely comfortable with flying and all of this traveling is for his new position-he was promoted to operations manager of the gulf coast region locations in LA.

I also know that there ain't no sunshine when he's gone

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