Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Monster come to visit

I feel like I may be going mad. It's really not far-fetched. The pain of these migraines and, in this case, the length, really messes with my mind. I hurt in my eyeballs. I hurt in my ears. My lips, nose & some of my fingers are numb. I have the visual aura. It's like spiders are crawling around my vision... lovely. Or little starbursts of light.
The worst part- I don't know, the actual pain is pretty freakin bad!- is that I'm DUMB!! I can't follow a conversation, can't understand much, can't read... AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Luke comes in here this morning and dumps this packet of new insurance forms on me. He literally dumps them "on me" because I am sleeping and he puts them on my sleeping body and tells me to fill them out. WHAT??? None of it makes sense to me. Life insurance- ok yeah, we want that. Coverage? I don't know? I know his name, DOB, SS# and address. And I know mine. That's about it.
I feel sooooooooooo guilty. Luke doesn't get it. I'm at the point when the pain is really bad (it's eased up a little) that I don't care. But, I feel bad when I haven't done something (like completed the damn papers) because I am in so much pain and I know that he really doesn't get it. Yes, he's been with me and the monsters (migraines) for 7 1/2 years but, ... Nothing stops him from doing what he's suppossed to do. He doesn't understand a pain that stops you dead. Guess what- I don't want to either!
I feel like I'm dying. Oh, God, I wish I were!!! An ice pick in the head would feel so good. HAHAHAHA! So, who's sick of me? Yeah, well, it's my blog! It's my blog and I will whine if I want to.... No, don't go, I really want people to read.
It's just a bad day.
I'm off to feed poor Layla and to get something to drink. I'm crazy thirsty when the monster comes!

lavender is a God send...

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