Saturday, August 29, 2009
The End(ish) of the Journey
Being pregnant has been amazing. Amazingly beautiful, amazingly gross, amazingly painful, amazingly scary, amazingly joyful. I guess it's a lot like being a parent- every emotion, high and low. I've read all the books and I read all the websites but nothing prepares you for it to actually happen to your body. And heart. I'm already so in love with this tiny dancer. And luckily, so many others are too. I grew up in a wonderful, close, loving family and that is one of the main things I want for Baby. I want so much for Baby that I cannot give him/her- a perfect set of parents, a perfect life where s/he is never sad or hurt or anything awful. I know that Baby will be in pain, get her/his feelings hurt, be sad- that is life and that is what I'm giving- life. I love, love, love feeling Baby kick/punch/dance around beneath my heart. Sure, now that s/he is bigger (and breech), feeling that head right in my ribs can be uncomfortable but, not too much. I can't imagine not feeling those sweet movements. I hope that they don't get less and less at 32 weeks like I've heard. I also think that when s/he's born, I will miss feeling the "secret moves". I have never been healthier than I have been this past year. I can't say that I've never felt better because that would not be true. Really though, I have not had it bad. Nausea in the 1st and 3rd trimester, achy pelvis and pubic bone and lower back, some headaches BUT- healthy baby. I am so pleased and blessed to have had such a healthy pregnancy so far. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was very negative and pessimistic (and still am sometimes) about all of it. I'm not a negative or pessimistic person usually but, I just couldn't help myself. Every appointment, I expected something to be wrong- with me or Baby or something. And, so far, every appointment, I'm proven wrong and am pleasantly surprised. My blood pressure is great, my weight gain is ok, my blood work is great, Baby looks perfect. It's the last 10 weeks of this journey and part of me is sad to see it end. I'm not so sad that I want to be pregnant again right away (like Blue wants) but, a little sad. The end of a chapter always makes me a little sad. There is a new chapter coming though- the Baby here chapter. The feeding all the time, changing dirty diapers, not sleeping, crying, rocking, laughing, loving, raising chapter. I am looking very forward to that chapter, too. I am excited to be able to walk again without waddling. And not always feeling like I have to pee. And not feeling a head in my ribs when I sit up. And, of course, excited to hold this sweet pea in my arms.