Monday, September 29, 2008

Little Susy Homemaker

My back is aching and I'm praying that it's not my mattress. Everything is so new here and I am very grateful and happy, don't get me wrong. It's just weird. It's strange to be in this new house and have all these new surroundings and new sights and smells. I like all the things I'm seeing and smelling, it's just different. I know that I will get used to it.

I am liking having people over and cooking. I really enjoy entertaining. Saturday night, a man that works with Blue came over to eat. I made red beans and rice, cheese and garlic biscuits and mini chocolate chip cookies. They came out so good. I put two types of sausage and andouille in the red beans. Blue's co-worker, Mike, is from Canada, and he says that he loved the beans. He kept asking me about the beans- how do you buy them, how they are prepared, what was in them. I was really pleased by that reaction.

Tonight, my brother and Gussie came over. I served Parmesan encrusted pork tenderloin (although it wasn't that "crusty"), mashed potatoes, peas, garlic bread, chocolate brownies and cookies. I took pictures but my camera is in the other room. I promise to show you soon. I used some of my dishes that I have not ever used from my wedding.I had them packed away in a back closet. I enjoyed the food and everyone else said that they did too. I hope they really did. It is important to me that people are comfortable and happy and fed well in our home.

I cannot tell you all how different I feel. It's like I'm a totally different person, except that I'm not a different person, I'm the person that I've always been inside. I'm able to be that person now. I cannot imagine the life I lived before but I know that it was severe depression. Depression is a real sickness and it can steal away important times of your life. It stole away so much of my life. SO MUCH. But, that is all over and done and I'm moving on. I feel like I'm not a good writer anymore though. So, sorry.

I have a very very low self esteem lately too. I'm happy in the house and with my energy levels and my inner feelings but the outside is a MESS. I'm just fat and have awful skin and my hair is gross. I know that poor Blue is sick of hearing about it. I have an appointment for a haircut and color on Friday and I see the dermatologist on the 7th of October. I've lost some weight but not nearly enough. I just feel sooooo BLAH about my look. I hate that.

My parents, grandparents and uncle and aunt are in France. They go every year. It's weird that they are all gone at the same time. I forget they are gone and go to call my mom and then remember and then go to call my grandma and then... They will be gone for 2 weeks. Next year, Justin and Shannon are supposed to go and we could go too but I hope to be pregnant. Or have a small baby. Either way, I doubt seriously that we will go next year.

That is what is going on here. I'm really busy. I am a little bit obsessed with the cleaning. I never cared or wanted to clean before but now, I do. I'm kind of an obsessive personality though. More on that later. Anyway, I'm busy cleaning and cooking and shopping and running errands and watching new episodes of TV and all that stuff.

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