Monday, September 17, 2007

I remember walking quickly, one hand in my daddy's and the other clutching a bag full of those cheap blue suckers that said, "It's A Boy". I thought I was at the hospital, I may have been, I don't know now. I remember the blue suckers and I remember knowing that I would be able to give them out to all my friends at Maw Maw Breaux's house. She was the wonderful lady who kept us while our parents were at work. That's what I was exited about, I had no clue what was coming!

Justin Michael was born on September 17, 1984. I was 3 and a half and I was NOT impressed. I was the first grandchild on my mom's side and those grandparents lived very close to us so, I was spoiled rotten. My parents adored me and hey, life was good, why rock the boat? I was a very needy, center of attention, "look at me" kinda girl and this kid very quickly cramped my style. My dad worked like Luke worked, turn-around. He did the same kind of job so, he was there when we were actually born and then he HAD to work.

My mom, that baby and I went to stay at Mamaw & PaPa's house. Justin was born sick. He had both ears infected and both big toe nails were ingrown. All I knew was that he CRIED! I was not a good big sister. I did not want to be a "helper" or anything that I can recall. He was in my way. I remember, vividly, as does my poor, poor mother a terrible night when the little monster inside me took over. We were in the front bedroom, I was coloring on the floor (or trying to) and mom was trying to nurse that screaming kid in the bed beside me. I told her "You better make him stop crying because I'm trying to color." She told me to be quiet or whatever. I told her, "If he doesn't stop crying, I'm going to slap him!" She told me to go back to coloring and be nice or whatever. He kept screaming and I stood up. I leaned over her and looked at him. I then slapped him. I warned her.

I have also tried to push him out of the car. He was in his seat, mom slowed down to turn into our neighborhood and I opened the door and gave it a shove. No luck! Thank goodness for seat belts. Now, it's great that they have childproof locks! I've tried to strangle him, I used to make him cry on purpose, hid his toys... all that fun stuff.

Let me tell you though, he was NO ANGEL. He was such a "little brother" with the annoying way that he would start things and then when I'd have enough, he'd scream for mom. His favorite thing to say for a looooooooong period of time was "Nuh-Uh". Such a know it all, it drove us all nuts. Of course, we fought over the TV, the front seat, the bathroom, etc...

All of that has changed. I have changed. I am not a selfish, "center of attention" type person. He is more outgoing than he was and he is more self-confident than he's ever been. We are still very different people. Justin is super private and I'm not, for example. I am still loud and he hates that. I also LOVE that I have a brother. No, scratch that. I love that Justin is my brother. I would not trade that for all the shoes in the world.

Justin has been through a lot. He's come through it with grace, strength and dignity. Qualities you don't often see in a person his age. He is so incredibly beautiful. He is really a genius. He is SUCH a sweetheart everyone should want to marry him. He is loving and funny and wonderful. He and I have a great relationship now and it's probably more than I deserve. I'm "mother cub" protective" of him. I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud of us. I just pray that our relationship gets better and better. I know that I would do almost anything for him.

That day, 23 years ago, I got a new title, big sister. It's one I wear proudly.

Maybe I didn't love you

Quite as often as I could have

Maybe I didn't treat you

Quite as good as I should have

If I made you feel second best

Girl(BOY) I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you

All those lonely, lonely times

And I guess I never told you

I'm so happy that you're mine

Little things I should have said and done

I just never took the time

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your

Sweet love hasn't died

And give me

Give me one more chance

To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should haves said and done

I just never took the time

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind