Monday, September 17, 2007

A New Title

I remember walking quickly, one hand in my daddy's and the other clutching a bag full of those cheap blue suckers that said, "It's A Boy". I thought I was at the hospital, I may have been, I don't know now. I remember the blue suckers and I remember knowing that I would be able to give them out to all my friends at Maw Maw Breaux's house. She was the wonderful lady who kept us while our parents were at work. That's what I was exited about, I had no clue what was coming!

Justin Michael was born on September 17, 1984. I was 3 and a half and I was NOT impressed. I was the first grandchild on my mom's side and those grandparents lived very close to us so, I was spoiled rotten. My parents adored me and hey, life was good, why rock the boat? I was a very needy, center of attention, "look at me" kinda girl and this kid very quickly cramped my style. My dad worked like Luke worked, turn-around. He did the same kind of job so, he was there when we were actually born and then he HAD to work.

My mom, that baby and I went to stay at Mamaw & PaPa's house. Justin was born sick. He had both ears infected and both big toe nails were ingrown. All I knew was that he CRIED! I was not a good big sister. I did not want to be a "helper" or anything that I can recall. He was in my way. I remember, vividly, as does my poor, poor mother a terrible night when the little monster inside me took over. We were in the front bedroom, I was coloring on the floor (or trying to) and mom was trying to nurse that screaming kid in the bed beside me. I told her "You better make him stop crying because I'm trying to color." She told me to be quiet or whatever. I told her, "If he doesn't stop crying, I'm going to slap him!" She told me to go back to coloring and be nice or whatever. He kept screaming and I stood up. I leaned over her and looked at him. I then slapped him. I warned her.

I have also tried to push him out of the car. He was in his seat, mom slowed down to turn into our neighborhood and I opened the door and gave it a shove. No luck! Thank goodness for seat belts. Now, it's great that they have childproof locks! I've tried to strangle him, I used to make him cry on purpose, hid his toys... all that fun stuff.

Let me tell you though, he was NO ANGEL. He was such a "little brother" with the annoying way that he would start things and then when I'd have enough, he'd scream for mom. His favorite thing to say for a looooooooong period of time was "Nuh-Uh". Such a know it all, it drove us all nuts. Of course, we fought over the TV, the front seat, the bathroom, etc...

All of that has changed. I have changed. I am not a selfish, "center of attention" type person. He is more outgoing than he was and he is more self-confident than he's ever been. We are still very different people. Justin is super private and I'm not, for example. I am still loud and he hates that. I also LOVE that I have a brother. No, scratch that. I love that Justin is my brother. I would not trade that for all the shoes in the world.

Justin has been through a lot. He's come through it with grace, strength and dignity. Qualities you don't often see in a person his age. He is so incredibly beautiful. He is really a genius. He is SUCH a sweetheart everyone should want to marry him. He is loving and funny and wonderful. He and I have a great relationship now and it's probably more than I deserve. I'm "mother cub" protective" of him. I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud of us. I just pray that our relationship gets better and better. I know that I would do almost anything for him.

That day, 23 years ago, I got a new title, big sister. It's one I wear proudly.
**Justin & fattie at my aunt's party** I never told him, or anybody this but, when our family was going through dark, dark times (2002), this was the song I would play and think of him. (We were raised on Willie, y'all)
I love you

Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
If I made you feel second best
Girl(BOY) I'm sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Tell me, tell me that your
Sweet love hasn't died
And give me
Give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied
Little things I should haves said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
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