Monday, May 14, 2007

Feel Your Feelings!

I've always been categorized as "sensitive" and I used to think that was a bad thing. I still think it is but not always. First of all I used to be much more of a sucker. I mean that I used to get upset when someone hurt me and let my sadness rule me. I let people walk all over me. Now, I'm more of a bitch. Yes, I still get my feelings hurt (even though I try sooooo hard to not care) but, I am quick to take up for myself now. I may still cry- that's a huge possibility, I cry very easily and I hate that at times- but I will probably tear you up. I can be very brutal and truthful and harsh, when provoked, of course.

Sensitivity is simply having very "sensitive" emotions and understanding all of them. I love with all of my heart and soul when I love. When I'm sad, I'm very dark and hurt and cloudy. Happiness is something you can see on my face, hear in my voice, it's bright and beautiful. My anger is outrage and black and pulsating. I don't have a temper... I get upset when I feel like someone is treating me unfairly or rudely, etc... I am very loyal and protective of the people I love so I get angry about their welfare. I will get MAD if someone wrongs Luke, my brother, my other family or my friends. I hurt when they hurt.
Also, being sensitive means that the things I believe in, I am passionate about. I am passionately against abortion under any circumstance, violence against women & children, building self-esteem in young girls, kids in general. I am passionate about education, writing and reading. I am passionate about Jesus and learning more & more about the Bible everyday. I am passionate about my marriage, my husband and keeping our relationship "on track". I guess you get the picture.

I also really, REALLY believe in speaking the truth. This ties into what I was saying before but, I don't believe in holding grudges. I have learned (the hard way- isn't that always the way) that holding your feelings in about something someone has done/said to hurt you is really a waste. I don't do that with the relationships that matter in my life and I encourage them to treat me the same. If I upset/hurt/offend them, I expect to be told. I can't stand for someone to be "secretly" angry- to be short, to not return calls/texts/emails, etc... You know the behavior I'm talking about. I think that acting this way instead of saying "Kristen, you hurt me when you said, blah, blah, blah...", is immature but, my mom says that I'm not being fair to everyone. She says (and maybe she's right) that not everyone is like that or is so "comfortable with confrontation". I just think it's honest and can be much better for the relationship, causing LESS trouble and drama. Letting hurt or anger sit and stew always makes it worse, right? Instead of just saying right then, "That behavior is not acceptable", talk it out with the person and then everyone can move on with their lives. I don't know, that's just what works for me. Not everybody is like this. Not everybody is comfortable with their feelings but, I say that everyone should really try to figure them out. Without apology. It's part of that uncomfortable "growing up" crap! It's knowing your lables and what they mean to you now.

I know that not everyone likes me (I know, hard to believe, LOL!) and not everyone will like you but, you should not change who you are because of it. Now, if you find that NOBODY likes you, you fight with everybody, you defend yourself constantly- what's the common denominator? YOU! Then you need to stop and think about what is going on with you. But, part of becoming an adult, a well-rounded, strong woman is knowing who you are, what you stand for and loving it all!!

big girls don't cry....


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